You know the type. The kind of girl that has no girlfriends, either because she feels more comfortable around guys, doesn’t like women, women don’t like her, or all of the above. I really really don’t want to be one of Those Girls, but earlier this year, I feared that’s exactly what I was turning into.
It’s not that I don’t like women — I do. I consider myself a feminist and love seeing women thriving and excelling. Unfortunately, my lifestyle, interests, and personality are not conducive to having a ton of female friends, but this daunting hurdle hasn’t stopped me from attempting to find that woot-woot group of girlfriends to one day go out with on this unicorn that is called “Girls’ Night.”
I don’t have kids, don’t plan on it, and am not into it. Zero maternal bone in my body. (Maybe a smidge for my dogs.) Alas, my age group is one giant mommy group. Strike one. I’m also way into sports and at any given party in suburbia, I’m more likely to hang with the dudes and watch the game than join in with the ladies. Strike two. Lastly, I’m a little direct in my communication. I work with guys, and they don’t couch their requests or conversation in a lot of context or varying vocal tones. My husband is also not down for roundabout speak, so my manner of talking can be viewed as, ahem, aggressive in certain circles. I definitely have to be aware of it. Strike three.
So earlier this year I kind of noticed that I had a lot of guy friends, and it made me wonder if I’d become one of Those Girls. From previous posts, you know I love my books and book clubs, and the truth is this last attempt at book bonding was also an attempt at making more female friends. Well, hashtag Fail. The women were super nice, and while we talked about the book, I felt comfortable, but once things started going towards cooking-dinner-for-husband type topics and a certain “you go girl” energy, I had to tap out. I went home to my husband disheartened, hugged him and asked “Why am I such a freak?”
Anyway, the next day I told one of my close girlfriends about my failed attempt, and she just laughed and said “I wish you’d just stop trying. [You’re fine the way you are.]” I told another female buddy, and she shared her funny fails at trying to be a lady who lunches with the girls. She’s just kind of accepted that she’s a bit different too. I admire both of these women a great deal, so I took what they said to heart.
So it turns out I’m not one of Those Girls who doesn’t have female friends. I do. Just a small number, and we’re not a group. But these three women — sometimes more — I trust with my life, and I know they have my back. We’re just in this obscure category between Those Girls and Girls Night Out Girls. I guess my quest for a “Sex and the City” type bonding experience was just another old idea that I had to give up, another “should” I had to let go. And as usual, I’m the last to realize: My bunker is already full of awesome women.